01.09.12

Monday Dare: 1/10/02

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Keep moving forward. 

At the age of 21, I made two decisions that profoundly impacted my life. One, I committed to stop living on welfare. And two, I decided to move to California.

I saved enough money for two airplane tickets by pushing fancy lotions and sprays at Crabtree & Evelyn. Since proper luggage would eat up most of the $300 I had left, I bought two plastic tubs at Target, crammed them full of clothing and blankets, and wrapped them securely with bungee cords. BAM. Homettes gittin’ creative. 

When we arrived in Los Angeles, I used one tub as a desk, and Cal used the other as a makeshift playhouse. Please don’t give me shit about letting my kid play in a plastic tub. I removed the lid, laid it on its side, and used a Sharpie to draw two windows and a door. Oh, and a sun. I think *that* gave it a little “something extra.” BAM. Homettes gittin’ creative. 

We had no couch, no real bed, and no dining table. Just a pile of blankets we unfolded every night as our bed, my makeshift desk, and a breakfast tray I pulled out for meals.

The first piece of furniture I proudly purchased was a small dresser from IKEA. I didn’t own any tools, so I used the handle of a hairbrush as a hammer and a nail file as my screwdriver. BAM. Homettes gittin’ creative. 

Lacking marketable skills, my two employment opportunities came down to selling more lotions and potions at a local beauty emporium for minimum wage or stripping. I chose the former option, but I would be lying to you if I didn’t admit that I gave the second option some serious thought.

At each turn, I thought to myself, “This just isn’t the right time. I should be better prepared. I’ll wait. I’ll wait.” I wanted to wait to get off welfare. I wanted to wait to move to California. But I didn’t. Instead, I just kept pushing forward. And I’m glad I did. During a few especially rough weeks, I thought about applying for public assistance again. Once, I got as far as locating a welfare office and gathering all the necessary documents to apply. In the end, I decided I’d rather be hungry and independent, than slightly less hungry and dependent.

Tomorrow is the 10-year anniversary of my move to Los Angeles. This city has loved me and hated me and coddled me and pushed me the fuck around. I’m using this week to reassess, prioritize, and keep moving forward.

What I realize now is that there is never a perfect time, never a “right” time to do anything. You just have to keep moving forward. It can be incredibly scary at times, because the trail you blaze for yourself is often dimly lit and full of things that go bump in the night. Sometimes, you get to where you think you wanted to go and fuck shit damn, it’s not where you wanted to be. That’s okay. Keep moving forward.

What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken?

P.S. THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the kind words on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page during The Moment Giveaway. Christopher Fan, Carla Smith Pearson, and Kristine Kastner Santiago, please email me at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com with your mailing address.
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January 9, 2012
12.19.11

Monday Dare: Do not disturb. Busy doing nothing.

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the full list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Do jack shit. 

Sometimes, I like to wake up in the morning and treat myself to this thought: How can I get through this day doing as little work as possible? 

For at least three solid minutes, I just lie in bed, imagining what it would be like to not get out of bed except to open the door for the buffalo wings delivery man. I would eat the whole order in bed with a gallon of Coke and those frosted animal cookies with the little round sprinkles.

I would spend the day watching a marathon of Locked Up Abroad, picking stray round sprinkles from my pajamas and popping them in my mouth. People would call and ask what I was doing. Everyone would get the same answer: “Oh, you know, just working, working, working.” I would ding a little bell I keep handy next to my bed and say, “That’s the darn laundry machine. I have to go put the load in the dryer now,” hang up, and go back to doing nothing.

Then, when I hear footsteps outside the bedroom, I would close my eyes and start snoring (softly, I think it’s more realistic that way). If Cal or Harv call out, “Hello, hello, are you awake?” I would stir just a little and make a slight grimace. They would feel bad for disturbing my much-needed break and walk away, a little dejected and a little guilt-ridden.

Since I’m super clumsy, I might knock over my gallon of Coke and drench my super festive Target pajamas. After staring at it for a long second, I’d shout, “FUCK. SHIT. DAMN.” Instead of getting out of bed, I would most likely just strip off my pillow cover and stuff it under by shirt and pants- kind of like a baby bib, but better because it would be underneath my clothes and not stupid-looking like all those baby ones that have sayings like “I only cry when ugly people hold me” and “If you think I’m cute, you should see my uncle!”

This has never happened. Yet.

The holidays always leave me frazzled. So instead of buying myself something really fabulous this year, wrapping it up, and putting it under the tree with a tag that reads “From a secret admirer,” I’m going to give myself the gift of Doing Jack Shit. If I could package and sell it, I bet I would be a megajillionaire.

Happy Holidays to me.

What are you folks doing for the holidays? If you had a day to do whatever you wanted, what would you do?

You. Me. Facebook. Let’s make it happen.
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December 19, 2011