Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the full list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.
This week: Come at me. Let’s hug this shit out.
I don’t really like it when people touch me. Maybe if you buy me dinner and drinks first, then I’d be okay with it. Or if you give me money. Nevermind that this description has many uncanny similarities to the oldest profession in the world. Let’s move right along.
The other day, I decided to do a few things I don’t normally do. I did my hair. I put on some chapstick. And I left the house. I mean, yes, I leave my house all the time because laundry detergent and Baked Lays Potato Chips don’t buy themselves, but I rarely go out at night in Los Angeles because I save all my Going Out Time to visit my two best friends who don’t live in California. (Side note: I really love you bitches, but somebody is going to have to move real soon, and it’s not going to be me.)
After watching a string of filthy-mouthed comedians who made me blush and laugh at the same time, I made my way to the afterparty. Ah, afterparties. Nothing good ever happens at those, so if you go to one, you’re tacitly consenting to a.) getting shitfaced, b.) talking shit, or c.) all of the above.
I ran into a new friend. We hugged. It was nice. I didn’t have to do that awkward pyramid hug where I keep my feet firmly planted two feet away and just our shoulders touch. You know what I’m talking about, yes? She didn’t try to run her hand up and down my back. She didn’t try to air kiss both my cheeks. I left the scene unscathed.
Then I ran into an old friend. One I hadn’t seen in years. He approached with his arms spread loud and proud, and before I had a chance to run away, we were making full body contact. The kind where our nether regions briefly say “hello” and “how the hell are ya” to each other before parting ways. And then he patted my head. Tell me, friends, do I look like a dog? I was stunned into silence which made my friend feel awkward, and he walked away with a look that suspiciously resembled “that bitch be trippin.”
I think a little body wiggle action amongst good friends is great. If I’ve had a particularly bad day, a solid hug from someone I love is just what I need, but I’m always awkward about doing something so intimate with people I’ve just met. A lot of times, it comes across as aloof or self-righteous. I don’t mean it that way… I’m just really fucking awkward, that’s all.
What are your personal space boundaries? Any awkward moments?
